Hey Uncie!
Since it's your birthday, and since you're getting a little old and fragile these days, today I'm going to be really nice to you! But just for today....tomorrow I'm going to hang twice as much crap on you, just for the sake of balance!!
Now, you and I have always had an........interesting uncle niece relationship. Friendly greetings have been replaced with "What the f@*k are you doing here?" and "It was nice seeing you" was replaced with "You still have a fat arse!". What a charming man you are.
But behind the insulting comments and underneath the 'I'm being an arsehole....and I think it's funny' exterior, I know deep (deep, DEEP) down....you love me! And likewise behind all my cheeky comments.....sometimes I like you too!!! (see none of that mushy crap!!)
But all jokes aside, I'm grateful to have you as my uncle! Growing up with you and your 3 boys, and certainly in the few months I spent living with you, I learnt many things....like to run and hide whenever you went for your belt buckle! (even if it was a big bluff, you were pretty scary you know!!!)
I also learnt that as much as I WANTED to throw something at you, on MANY occasions, I was bluffing too! 'Cos the one time I did lash our, there actually was some water left in the glass, and I don't know who got the bigger fright....you or me!! And for those few moments while you sat there across the dinner table, looking like a stunned mullet and dripping wet, I couldn't even enjoy myself, because all that I was thinking was "UH OH!!" But I am pleased to have caused your wife so much entertainment that day!!
So we're pretty lucky to have you around! Anytime I see you I appreciate the opportunity to practice my quick comebacks, 'cos you're always keeping me on my toes! And I know that if I ever need any advice, you'll tell me what you think....and if I ever need a shoulder to cry on, you'll tell me where Aunty Trace is!!!
So I hope you have a fantastic 50th Birthday, and grab life by the balls and say "Hey world...I'm 50!!!"
Happy Birthday
Love Annie.
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